Lisa Luveen

Love life

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01 May 17

Depression: invisible yet very real

I have dealt with depression for several years now. It started off in my high school years. I felt lonely although I was surrounded by many "friends". Just listening to their voices got me angry and I got irritated easily. It didn't help that I did badly in my subjects. Everyday felt like an endless torture. I thought everything would be better once I got to university. Me not doing well in high school resulted in me losing confidence on myself. Naturally, I avoided university major which are related to subjects I took in high school. I ended up choosing a major in which I didn't have any background before. Unsurprisingly, I didn't do well in university. Competing with people who are driven in this major plus I don't have interest in the major. But some things are a little bit better in university like I met several people I can call friends. They help me go through my university life. Depression causes me to have a complete loss of interest in everything. I used to enjoy playing Sims, reading books, drawing and interior design. Depression caused me to lose interest in all of these things. Nowadays, I just feel too tired to do any of these things. Besides, I am also busy with school. I was anxious to try anything that would help me with my depression. It is almost graduation and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm afraid that I will make wrong choice again and need to bear the consequences again. How can I regain back my life motivation and interests?

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02 May 17

Depression is humiliating

It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything. You alienate your friends because you can’t comfort yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a doctors appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart.

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2017-03-19 09:07:45

You may be able to find it online. Or you can try to find a yoga teacher in community center or fitness class.

2017-05-06 11:24:52

I agree with you. It is heartwarming to find someone like you who does not judge and have prejudice on depression and the people who suffer from it. I hope public will be more accepting and welcoming depressed people. It is already hard enough to cope with life when you are depressed. More worries of what others may think of you is really not helping at all. Really guys and girls, life is a rotating wheel. Do not make fun of others' unfortunate lives. Think if the same or similar conditions happen to you or your loved ones. Will you accept all the mockeries??? Grow up! Do not do to others things that you do not want to experience yourself. Be considerate and care for one another. Take care everyone.

Semi-literate writer. I am interested in anxiety disorder topic.
PhD Princeton (2016). Activist, author, teacher.
Semi-literate writer. I am interested in anxiety disorder topic.

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