porcelain_tiger

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happy birthday

you shouldn't be doing this right now. not on a blog post, not scrolling through blog posts, not pondering morality, when you should be studying. Keep breathing in this closed system, when your hard-work put in equals to results and we leave behind entrails on our path towards entropy, has-beens on a paper-white resume And like seriously, anxiety. its probably a cultural thing, or maybe its the way the country has marketed itself as the player in the global market economy that we are, as Asians (not B-sians) meant to be competitive and ever-comparing. Sometimes success isnt measured in summits or in scholarships. its you. every step immaculately calculated -- math Olympiad at kindergarten, entry into the top private school, music-arts-tuition lessons pave the way to being the "average" super-Asian child. maybe a prestigious job as a top tier civil servant or doctor or a CEO or a lawyer with that Ivy league degree... Humanity, is having the hope that procrastination-serendipity and ingenuity can beat Moore's law. There's Moore's second law as well, like osteoblasts to your osteoclasts Oxymoron? Nope, you follow what the bell curve dictates, even when 101/100 is the top 90% percentile and you want that A. If you'd really want to excel, just um determination. you know more than anybody that theres essentially a part of you that's broken-down, unravelled and shredded to bits. think of it as enzymes denaturing. you aren't efficient, you aren't productive, you don't work hard enough. GPA isnt good enough -- you live each day waking up with yesterday's burden, it seeps through your negativity, your narcissism. Not like anyone would see this, honestly. because you're awesome and you know it. "i don't hate you but i hate your negativity. sometimes i don't hate it as much, because it's your problem and not mine." -- a human. she won't ever see this. Good job :) there's a test tomorrow, and tomorrow then tomorrow, till the day you wake up, realizing you've left your guts on the floor and your brains on the door, your heart you traded for materialism at the store. happy birthday. eat cake, be awesome, be happy. if you stare hard enough it spells out something.

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