Depression: invisible yet very real
I have dealt with depression for several years now. It started off in my high school years. I felt lonely although I was surrounded by many "friends". Just listening to their voices got me angry and I got irritated easily. It didn't help that I did badly in my subjects. Everyday felt like an endless torture. I thought everything would be better once I got to university.
Me not doing well in high school resulted in me losing confidence on myself. Naturally, I avoided university major which are related to subjects I took in high school. I ended up choosing a major in which I didn't have any background before. Unsurprisingly, I didn't do well in university. Competing with people who are driven in this major plus I don't have interest in the major. But some things are a little bit better in university like I met several people I can call friends. They help me go through my university life.
Depression causes me to have a complete loss of interest in everything. I used to enjoy playing Sims, reading books, drawing and interior design. Depression caused me to lose interest in all of these things. Nowadays, I just feel too tired to do any of these things. Besides, I am also busy with school. I was anxious to try anything that would help me with my depression.
It is almost graduation and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm afraid that I will make wrong choice again and need to bear the consequences again. How can I regain back my life motivation and interests?
years ago I began long distance running because it provided me temporary relief from my suffering. I thought it would get better but it never has. I try hard to have a positive outlook but I just don't find anything about life joyful anymore. I have a strong impostor syndrome and none of my achievements seem like achievements. I feel like I have no friends. I am finding it harder and harder to make new friends. I feel like I am a burden on my family and it is hard to get anyone to understand me. They just don't know what it's like. I find that my friends and family seem more sympathetic to strangers they don't know but when it comes to someone they know they can't offer the same sympathy. Why is that? They think you are needy or want attention . Anyway, I don't see the point in anything. I am unable to feel happy for anyone. I just want it all to end.